wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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