Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
