I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We have started to decorate penises.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Everyone says I win the strip club
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think my moral compass just broke
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