She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just high enough for therapy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
