i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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