4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I looked at my own cervix.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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