Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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