dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
