you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
