Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
