I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
