He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I forget how to act sober
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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