I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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