You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
