Yo dont text me then not text me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
