I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
