I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
