I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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