It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
