Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
