I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
