Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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