I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
