i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
