On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
