last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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