**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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