I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
