never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hippo gnu deer
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
