she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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