Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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