Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
