some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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