those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
