yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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