She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You did what with his pubic hair?
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