Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
