You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
