This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I love you.
Bad choice
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
