so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
