isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
