i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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