eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
