Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
