I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize
