I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
is it fun? or sober?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
