What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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