I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
