The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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