It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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