okay pat passed out under dana's car
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
