My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
