i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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