Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i believe in u and ur pee
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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