That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
