so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
