My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
