You're so nebulous sometimes
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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