i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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