And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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