you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
