that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
