I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
